Motherhood....

It's funny how when you are single, young, totally carefree, and imagine yourself as a mother it seems like days of changing diapers, playing at the park, and all lollipops and ice cream cones. In your mind there still isn't a worry in the world until the day comes when that precious baby is set on top of your chest for the very first time. It isn't until then and there that you realize how little you know and how you truely need to now be a full fledged responsible grown-up.

I had this overwhelming feeling come over me a few months back and it has never really left me. I was driving to the store and I suddenly realized just how fast Kaylee was growing up, she is going to be 4 in two months and I swear she was just 2 months old. I, all of a sudden, had this empty feeling inside of me thinking about when she, Macie, and lil guy are older and don't really need mom anymore. It is a feeling I cannot describe. It is a sinking feeling though and one that almost makes me feel like, well what is there for me then...? Just 5 years ago I would have had no idea what I was talking about but now I completely understand the whole "empty nest" syndrome.
I think that that time will come quickly in years but slowly in moments and hopefully those moments will keep me comforted in them being my babies. The love that fills your heart when you become a parent is both wonderous and devestating at the same time. I say devestating because if your child hurts, you hurt, if your child is scared, you feel scared for them. It is a constant battle of wanting to keep your babies in a bubble but learning how to give them that sense of freedom to choose their own way to make their own mistakes to learn from with out being put in any danger. It's a total circus act!

I have realized that all I can do is love them, discipline them when needed, teach them right from wrong, to be honest, respectful, and hope and pray that they take somewhat of those lessons with them into adolescents and adulthood. We as parents make plenty of mistakes in our journey with them so they are allowed a few too ;)